|
 |
|
|
| Tuesday, April 26, 2005 |
How an oceanographer ended up in the desert
...or, how one movie insulted an entire genre.
Yes, I speak now of "Sahara." I'll admit up front that I didn't have high hopes going in. The trailer even bothered me, for I am a fan of the genre this movie trying to sneak in the back door of. I grew up on a steady diet of archaeology Indiana Jones style. I spent my Christmas Day 2004 munching Chinese food and, oh yes, seeing "National Treasure."
But what am I to make of a movie with Dirk Pitt as its leading character? Apparently, I can make two movies out of him (see 1980's debacle of a film and budgetary disaster "Raise the Titanic"), but why would I want to? In this stretch of the imagination we find oceanographic explorer Dirk getting dirty on the sands of the Sahara (yes, lots of water there). Why? Because against all notions of reality, a Civil War era ironclad managed to sail across the ocean and up a river deep into the desert before being buried when the water evaporated -- or something.
Mix in a despotic African dictator, a corrupt businessman, corporate pollution, lots of explosions and I suppose you've got yourself a blockbluster. Just in case you were concerned there wouldn't be enough action, feel confident in the plains, trains, and wind-propelled airplanes-turned-sand surfers. Did we mention there were lots of explosions.
And normally, I'd be the guy who'd give the film a pass. I've made this point before: we shouldn't judge movies by an unfair standard. If it's supposed to be a mindless action film, let it be. Eat your popcorn and then go home to read a nice thick book.
I can't do it. I'm sorry. This is an insult to the genre. It posseses none of the magic and charm that made Indiana Jones a piece of cinema lore. It has none of the clever humor and real chemistry that turned National Treasure into a romp of mirth and joy. It has little more than a checklist of action adventure cliches and mediocre characters.
Then it goes and tries for more, which is never a good idea. I gave up after they turned the wreck of an airplane half-buried in the sand into a sand-surfing contraption of epic stupidity.
I thought Jews controlled the media, but we've got to be smarter than this. No Jewish conspiracy could reach so low as to produce Dirk Pitt's Excellent Adventure. For that, I suppose I'll give it a couple of stars, but not one twinkle more.
|
|
|
|
